I remember at one of the Gateway Live Worship recordings I saw a woman I know only because she has cared for my children. I noticed her during praise and worship and how she was so passionate about her worship. I remember that night saying, “Yeah God she’s passionate look at her! I mean she’s beautiful for one and I’ve heard some of her story. I mean if I had been through what she’s been through, I’d probably worship you with that much enthusiasm too.”
I put those thoughts out of my head until this week. Something brought those thoughts back to me recently. I don’t know why but I noticed that my worship has changed. I always enjoyed praise and worship but sometimes I was guilty of thinking, “ok, that’s enough of that. Can we move on please.” Sometimes I’d enjoy singing the words but not really worship God. I was there and it was fun and I was doing it but something was missing.
As I reflected back on 2008 and all that it held for me and my family I’ve noticed that praise and worship is much different for me now. The weekend of Stephen’s death it changed. It became more real. It started to have more meaning and feel different. I cannot explain why or how. My praise and worship became more passionate.
I noticed one night att our single’s praise and worship that I seem to dance more. I seem to care less about anyone watching me or what they might think. Sometimes now I think let’s sing one more song or it’s over already?
I think God answered my prayer to Him that day. I wanted to know God more and FEEL something during praise and worship.
God took me through something more horrible than I could have ever imagined that year. It wasn’t exactly what I was praying for. I wanted the passion but not the tragedy. I don’t know if you can have the one without the other. I would like to have the passion without the tragedy but I certainly would not want the tragedy without His passion.
If you’re going through something rejoice! I never understood that. Rejoice in your sufferings. But now, it makes more sense. Rejoice because if you are suffering, God will get you through it and what you become on the other side is so much better!