I Lost My Faith

When my husband died I was given several little pocket rocks with words on them.  I had truth, love and faith.  On different days I would pick up a different rock and put it in my pocket to remind me that day of a truth that I needed to remember.  If I weren’t feeling loved, I could reach into my pocket and pull out the rock with LOVE on it and know that I was loved.  God loved me and the person who gave me this rock loved me.

Last year when I was going through a tough time I looked for my faith rock and couldn’t find it.  One day at church I saw some small pocket crosses with FAITH written on them, so I purchased one.  Every morning as I dressed I picked up this little cross, read the word FAITH and put it in my pocket for the day.  I was standing on a promise God had given me, and I wasn’t SEEING anything.  My faith was wavering daily.  Was I wrong?  Did I not believe?

The Bible tells us that if we BELIEVE and do NOT doubt then whatever we ask for will be done for us.  My problem during that time was I could believe for a few minutes, a few hours or even a few days but when nothing happened in the natural, then doubt would enter in.  So I carried my FAITH with me to remind myself that I was NOT to doubt!

Recently I began doubting again, so I looked for my faith, and I couldn’t find it.  I had lost it.  It probably was left in a pocket and went into the wash.  I’ve searched all over for my faith, but I cannot find it.  It’s gone.  My thought was “Great.  Now I’ve completely lost my faith.  Isn’t that typical.  Just when I need it most, I cannot find it.”  I thought it was pretty careless of me to lose my faith.  What had I done with it?  Was it no longer important because things had been going well?

Although I realize I’m talking about a small token that isn’t really faith it does symbolize a greater truth.  What had happened to my token of faith was actually happening in the natural to my actual faith.  I had stopped standing on it daily.  I had somehow set it aside and forgotten it.

I decided that I needed to buy more faith and I thought,

No, we don’t purchase it with money it is a FREE gift that God gives us.  He promises to give it to anyone who asks for it just as He promises to give the Holy Spirit to anyone who will ask and receive it.  FAITH is always available to me.  It’s free, and it’s mine.  But…there is a catch.  God doesn’t just give it to us, and it isn’t something that we are given just one time.  God gives us a MEASURE of faith.  He doesn’t just give us faith when we believe, and that’s it we never need another dose of faith.  No, He wants us totally dependent on Him.  We are to keep going back to Him, seeking Him and asking for more of Him, more faith, more grace, more mercy…whatever our need is at the time.

Sometimes things don’t go like we hope.  When I went to the church bookstore to buy more faith they were out of faith.  How can the church be out of faith?  Really?  They did have small metal rocks that had FAITH written on them, but the crosses were gone.  So…I picked up the smaller faith, paid for it and began to carry it in my pocket.  It might be small but I still had faith.  The next week I was in the bookstore for another reason.  As I was checking out, I noticed that they now had FAITH crosses again.  I purchased a new FAITH and began carrying that in my pocket.  Some days I carry both the small FAITH and the larger FAITH in my pocket.  I think this time I will be more careful with my FAITH and not lose it.  But I know if I do…that there is always more available, and all I have to do is ask for it.

How’s your faith today?

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