How to Bathe a Baby


We’ve been homeschooling since my oldest was four and appeared to be gifted.  Homeschooling wasn’t something I ever considered.  However, due to what I believe are ridiculous rules of public schooling, we wound up on this path.

Perhaps I’ll write more about homeschooling later.  But to lighten things up a bit I wanted to share one of my children’s essays.  Maybe it will give you some idea what it’s like being a single, homeschooling mother of SIX!

I do not recall what the topic assigned was…but this is what I received.


How to Bathe a Baby

When should you bathe your baby?

Smell: When you smell something that does not seem humanly possible, it is probably your baby. When you smell chemicals, acid, alcohol, rat poison etc on your baby. Food, (no I’m sorry your baby should NOT smell like food) bathe your baby.

Feel: Sticky, when your baby is so sticky that it is immobilized, bathe your baby or, when it starts picking up stuff in the floor (unless told to do so in the next chapter on, “How to get Baby to Clean its Room”). Crispy, when your baby’s skin starts getting hard (like armor) it probably needs a bath.

How to prepare to bathe your baby.
Collect supplies: you will need: shampoo, conditioner, body wash, wash rag, flea and tick shampoo, some sort of restraints, pepper spray, sand paper, gas mask, hammer (anesthetic), goo-gone, pressure washer, rope (to tie down the bath tub, and (o yeah) bathtub. Tie the bathtub down and fill with WARM 70f-80f water. Check for baby, make sure it is still alive (if it isn’t you won’t have to finish (YAHOOO!!!)). Check supplies baby might have taken them. Undress baby (if possible) change diaper (don’t ask that’s another book).

Ok down to business.
Basic: rinse baby, shampoo babies hair, rinse baby, lather conditioner into babies hair, rinse baby, apply body wash to baby, rinse baby, rinse baby, dry baby, dry babies hair, dress baby.

Advanced: Get creative different babies have different “needs”.


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